D-O-double-G = N.O.P.E.

Posted by on Mar 14, 2009 in Stories, Uncategorized | No Comments
D-O-double-G = N.O.P.E.

Vorst Nationaal (Brussels), date.

Where do I start? It was a freakin’ disaster. Here’s the story.

Connection wise things started already on the wrong foot. Nobody could get me in. Nobody could get me backstage. Universal wasn’t really co-operative either. They basically told me that the only backstage passes they have, were for their own use. I contacted someone that works at Vorst and he told me, that he never saw people enter the backstage area in 15 years. Ever. Come on…? He also told me that it would be impossible for me to enter the backstage and he wasn’t planning on helping me either. OK, then. I’ll hustle myself in. No problem right?

ERROR 1 – Dresscode. The day of the concert I was wearing a large plaid shirt with belt on a ripped skinny jeans with flat suede boots. Sure I had my doorknockers on. But still I looked like a Canadian I guess. Little did I know. When I arrived at Vorst, I still had to buy tickets. In front of me where two men trying to swop their ticket at the ticket boot. I immediately offered to buy the tickets for half the price.They agreed and the deal was done. I felt confident. I saved some cash and I didn’t feel like a rookie anymore. This was gonna work! I entered the venue and I liked what I saw. The concert wasn’t sold out, people were relaxed and there was room enough front stage. I chose a spot and was ready for it. Plùs. I had some props with me. I brought my very own banner. YUP. On the banner were the following words.

Some explanation on the banner:

Blowfly is one of the first artists that used heavy profanity in his lyrics back in the 60’s & 70’s. He performs in funky costumes and Snoop is a huge fan of Blowfly. So I thought that I would score with that one-liner.

Ouni thought it was a done deal.
Ouni thought she would be backstage in nò time.
Ouni was wrong.

The warming-up that night was for Akro (Starflam member). It took a loooong time for the concert to finally begin. I looked around me, and noticed that amongst people that showed up were a lot of kids. Which is pretty cool since Snoop is hitting his 40’s soon and is a father himself. Anyhow, the show started, and Snoop was having fun. His eyes were…well you know, high I presume, and he was strutting smoothly
across the scene while popping one classic song after the other with his bling diamond studded mic. I love a little bling myself now and then so the giant thing distracted me from my task.

So, time to work. I was front row, but not all the way. I had some hardcore fans 2 rows in front of me. I promised myself to only use the banner if it was absolutely necessary. So when I noticed that he wasn’t really coming my way, I put the thing up. I saw my girlfriend hiding behind me, with an ‘O MY GOD, SHE PUT THE DAMN BANNER UP’ look on her face.

He noticed the banner. He read the banner. He even smiled at the banner. So, I asked myself. Should I put it up again? Did he notice me? Maybe I should put it up again? For the people who hate banners, read the following. I believe in banners. I started believing in banners the day I saw a fanwith a banner, being asked on stage, so Mr Lenny Kravitz himself could sing her a song for her ‘birthday’. Banners work. Period.

Mine didn’t. People were even annoyed by my banner. The fact that it was a very large pillow and blocked some peoples view, probably didn’t help either.So I needed my plan B. Which is getting the artists attention while snapping a polaroid. The moment he was as close as possible I took a picture. And another one.I hate doing that. It’s a waste of film and the result is poor. All the time it wasn’t clear if he actually noticed me…. He had dark sunglasses on most of the time. He was smiling but that could’ve been to anyone. I started to get nervous. The concert was done quickly. The band and crew left immediately from the back of the stage. Not the sides where the fans were waiting. I couldn’t believe it. It was over.And I had nothing.

All of a sudden I see an entourage member surfing the crowd with his eyes. Looking with attention, calm. And then I see his finger pointing at people. The Specific Female Selection was occurring. So I wait it out. Blondie next to me got picked. Busty redhead on my left, got picked as well. Sexy afro the the right too. I could nòt believe it. They didn’t pick me. My girlfriend pulled my shirt and said: “You are dressed all wrong!! They are in heels, skirts and cleevage!!You look like a construction worker! Go and run to the fences!”

I was still shocked about how things were going but this was my last chance. I followed the chicks hoping they would not notice me . At least 15 women got behind the fences. 15 but me. They specifically said: “Not that one”. Wtf was wrong with me?!! I was seriously doubting my fysical features but wasn’t planning on going down without a fight! I asked the dude from the entourage to come over and listen to what I have to say. If looks weren’t good enough, maybe the power of words would help me. He barely looked at me (he was too busy checking other ‘potentials’) while I explained my project and asked him if I could “please please please” come with him backstage?

ERROR 2 – Begging is not sexy! He looked at me. Smiled, and he asked some dude who looked like Hulk Hogan, mustache, yellow hear and a sprayed tan inclusive, to come check me out. “What the fuuuuck is that, man!” (while calling for Hulk friend to come over) “Check that thing around her neck man.” (while pointing at my huge polaroid camera) “Look, missy,” he said, while he slooowly showed me his brand new Iphone waving the thing from a safe distance , just in case I would grab the damn thing. “You can take pictures with this now too…you don’t hàve to be stuck in the 80’s, you know…” And then they both hysterically laughed. Ha.Ha.

I was shocked. I gave up instantly with that comment. I didn’t even reply. I was done. Ready to go H.O.M.E. I saw them leaving with about 15 girls. Sexy girls on heels. Not wood chopper wives. I was pissed. I remember that guy who worked at Vorst telling me he never saw anyone backstage in 15 years. “You can’t just come backstage like that”. YEAH RIGHT! I couldn’t. But those 15 women could. So bullshit! I was still standing there, shocked and disappointed when security asked me if I could pléase leave the venue. The ride home was very silent.

My first failure.



PS: Next one is a winner baby. 😉
Watch out for Snoop’s new talkshow on MTV: Dogg After Dark.